Universal Laws

Working as a paramedic has taught me that there is a certain order to the universe. In fact it is almost nice to know that there is a reason to everything, a purpose… these are some of the universal laws show unequivocally, the outcome of any situation. Hope you enjoy these…

1. Law of Mechanical Repair – After your hands, arms and just about everywhere else becomes coated with oil, your nose will begin to itch.

2. Law of Accidental Numbers – If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

 3. Law of Gravity – Anything important, any tool, any item such as a  nut, bolt, screw, or fuse, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

4. Law of Toast – A secondary law of gravity, which acknowledge the fact that given the 50/50 likelihood that a new toasted sandwhich, when dropped will land on either side up, for some reason, 100% of the time it will land with the peanut butter and honey side facing downwards 

5. Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act

6. Law of the Alibi – If you tell the boss you were late for work because your Grandmother died, the very next morning your Grandmother will die.

 7. Variation Law – If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

8. Law of the Bath – When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

9. Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.

10. Law of the Result – When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.

11. Law of reach – The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

12. Law of the Theater – At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last.  They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies, and stay to the bitter end of the performance. 

 13. The Coffee Law – As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, something will always arise that requires your immediate action and will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

 14. Murphy’s Law of Lockers – If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

15. Law of Logical Argument – Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.

 16.Law of Physical Appearance – If the clothes fit, they’re ugly.

 17. Law of Public Speaking – A closed mouth gathers no feet.

18. Law of Commercial Marketing  – As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

19. Doctors’ Law – If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you’ll feel better. But don’t make an appointment, and you’ll stay sick.