Medical Jokes

As a Paramedic I spend a lot of my day in the emergency department. These are some of the emergency medical jokes/doctors jokes I’ve heard in my time.. Enjoy…

1. A pregnant woman asks her gyneacologist how much labour hurts…

“Well… says the Doctor… that’s kind of difficult to answer… you see every woman is different… every woman feels pain differently, and pain by its very nature is hard to describe… you see…”

“I see” says the pregnant woman… “but is there anyway you can give me some idea?”

“Well… I suppose there’s one way… but its a little hard…”

“Okay… tell me… I want to know so that I can prepare myself…” says the woman…

“Well, first try stretching your upper lip a little upwards by pulling it with your fingers…”

“Like this….” she says ask she pulls it…

“Ah, yes… but a little more…”

“Okay, how about this…”

“Just a little more…”

The woman pulls her upper lip very hard…

“How about this?”

“How does that feel?” The Doctor asks…

“Its a bit sore… but I can handle it… is that what childbirth is like…”

“Now, just a little further and you will have experience childbirth pains…”

“Like this…”

“Yeah, just like that… now just pull your lip right over your head…”

2.  A 90 year old lady goes and sees her local doctor and asks for oral contraceptive pills… the doctor, a little concerned by the thought of “why” a 90 year old may think that she needs oral contraceptive pills… starts to explain that: “You really don’t need to take those to ensure you don’t get pregnant anymore…”

She smiles… “I know that… but I take them for my sleeping…”

“Oh… says the Doctor… I’m not sure why they would help you sleep better…”

“Well…” says the little old lady, “I spike my grand-daughter’s drinks with them and this makes me sleep better…”

3.

More to come…

Australian Paramedic