Paranoid Schizophrenia Stories

I was called to a patient with chest pain. As I arrive I park up on the patient’s driveway. As I get out of the Ambulance, an elderly lady comes out of the house, walks right by us both, and walks around the Ambulance. I smile and ask if she called an Ambulance… “No… no, I certainly did not…” was all I got in reply. Okay… I continue to walk into the patient’s house… Before I walk through the door, I look back and see the old lady using a pencil and some paper to stencil the number plate off the Ambulance…

That was enough for me… something was wrong about this image for me…

Are you okay, can I help you? I ask her. “No, certainly not…”

You seem concerned I ask… We’ve been called to this address for someone with chest pain… do you have chest pain? She smiles… “No… I don’t”

Hmmm…

I decide the person obviously has some underlying mental illness and that seeing as she does not appear aggressive, maybe I should go inside and see if there is someone who actually has chest pain. I wonder inside and find my patient. My partner starts to treat her, and after a short while I got back out to the Ambulance to organise the stretcher.

As I’m out at the Ambulance, I find the old lady, now with a measuring tape, measuring my Ambulance for size.

What are you checking? I innocently ask.

“Who are you?” She asks.

I’m Michael, a Paramedic…

“A paramedic you say… how do I know you’re a paramedic?”

Well… I say, see this uniform – it says paramedic on it… also, I came here by Ambulance and generally paramedics drive Ambulances so therefore, I must be a paramedic (I thought I was making pretty good sense)…

She ponders all this over… “We had a paramedic here before… he was driving and Ambulance too…” she pauses for effect and the points at me as though she’s found me guilty “Two Ambulances at the same place… only days apart!”

Yes I say… I spoke to your mother inside… she said that she had a fall two days ago…

“Ahah!” She says “Two Ambulances… and they both look the same…”

Yes, they generally do, I say.

“Well… it’s very suspicious… isn’t it?”

Yes… very good… I mutter as I continue to get the stretcher ready for the patient.

By the time I’ve come back with the actual patient – the old lady has contacted the police (who have a station only metres up the road from her) and convinced them that there’s a very suspicious looking person who has entered her mother’s house and is now taking advantage of her.