Funny Ambulance Jokes

I warn you… Paramedics often use black humour to relax… most Paramedics genuinely want to help people and do not like to see people get hurt… sometimes this sort of humour is just a way of letting go, or settling after a very bad situation, or accident. Paramedics see bad things every day (okay, not every day, but often), and although they wear the uniform, they’re not Superman, they do sometimes go home and take things seriously…

These are some of the paramedic jokes that I’ve come across in my time… they are often macabre… and I’ve often found myself at a party telling them, only to find that I’m the only person who can see any sense of humour in them… now that you’ve been warned… I hope you enjoy…

1.

A friend of mine once went to a motor-bike versus truck at 100k+ and… needless to say, the truck came out better off than the motocyclist. As one of the Paramedic started assessing the scene and in doing so locating the various body parts of the deceased motor-cyclist, the Police Officer on the scene asked “How tall do you think this guy is…” The Paramedic looks around… looks at the legs in the bushes and then the head down the street “hmmm… he looks to be about 45 foot tall currently…”

2. 

Assume all Physicians on scene are proctologists until proven otherwise… and considering this, never turn your back on them!

3. Telling a patient “I’m just going to insert a very little needle in your arm…” followed by, “and I promise you… this wont hurt me a bit…”

4. I was called to a MVA which included a man who had been enjected from the vehical and thrown into a razor wire fence – this actually cut him in half around his waist. The patient was obviously deceased by the time we got there, and while looking through the car at the accident scene, we found dozens of bottles of empty beer in the car… I made the comment, “Hmm, guess this is what happens when you drive legless…”

5. I treated a person who obviously couldn’t help but lick the hand held cake before turning the power off… needless to say, the person ended up with a tongue that had amazingly managed to wrap itself around a million times and was now semi-permanently attached to the blender. When I was telling the triage nurse what had happened, she asked “did he tell you how this happened” to which, the response was “Ah… not really, he was a little tongue tied…” 

More jokes to come soon…

Australian Paramedic…